When we just can't agree

Some time back, the Russian foreign minister was interviewed by a British journalist on television. The journalist gave him a hard time, but the minister seemed able to give back as good as he was getting! He was asked if he thought relations between the United States and Russia had worsened over the last few years, especially since both countries seemed to be criticizing each other a lot at the moment. The foreign minister's reply was very clever. He said that because of these criticisms, he thought relations between the two countries were actually better rather than worse because only real friends can offer constructive criticisms of each other.

It isn't our aim here to talk politics or about relations between the world's powers, but this incident is a good starting point for us to talk about relationships and about how we fit into the whole scheme of things. There are times in our lives when we don't agree with others. We might disagree with members of our family. We might disagree with close friends. We might even find ourselves in disagreement with some teaching at the mosque or with the society in which we live. This needn't mean the end of the world. It just means that at times we just can't agree, for a variety of reasons. It could be that we are just digging our heels in and being awkward — it does happen! It could be that we are not really getting our own point across well and so we are being misunderstood. It could be that we don't fully understand the other. The important thing is that disagreements need not signal the end of a relationship or a breakdown in communication. In fact, disagreements can often, in a strange way, strengthen relationships.

Take the first years of marriage, for example. After the rosy period of first settling down together, little things start to happen that can annoy us. We begin to realize that we haven't married Mr. Perfect or Miss World, and we begin to get annoyed and find ourselves arguing over things that really aren't that important at all. This doesn't mean the end of the marriage. It just means we are realizing that there are two people involved here and we need a bit of give-and-take for the marriage to work.

If you want to paint the living room red and your spouse wants it white, the marriage need not break up. You have to come to a compromise. At other times, though, there are things you won't agree on. You support one political party, for example, and your spouse supports another. You will have to learn to disagree, respecting what the other one wants. We don't need to make our loved ones agree with us in everything for us to carry on loving them.

A real friend is someone in life who can disagree with you and yet still be your friend. A real friend respects who you are and loves you for who you are, but can still tell you things you might not want to hear. Only a real friend can tell you how stupid you look in that particular outfit. Only a real friend can tell you what a fool you are being by behaving in a certain way. Only a real friend can tell you that you should be praying when you are not. We listen to what friends have to say because we know that when they criticize something we do, it is not an attack on us but a criticism of our behavior. Real friends are often the ones who can tell us what is staring us in the face. We don't need to reject them if they disagree with us or hold a different point of view.

There are many occasions, then, when we have to admit that we don't agree. After having tried everything, we need to accept that there are times when we just can't agree all the time. This will happen in the family, with parents, or with brothers and sisters. It will happen with the broader issues of what is going on in society. Sometimes we need to speak out against what we believe is wrong in our society, but we still need to respect the right of others not to agree with us. It may be that after a while our opinions begin to converge, either at home or in the broader community, and we realize that there isn't such a big difference after all. The important word is respect. Our opinions deserve the respect of others, and we should give to others the same respect we are looking for. As Muslims we should be the most caring nation. Six years after leaving Makkah, our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) signed a peace treaty, the Treaty of Hudaibiyah, with his enemies. This didn't mean that he agreed with the idol worshipers or with what they believed, but that for the sake of Islam he was prepared to disagree with them for the time being. The treaty didn't mean he became their friends, either. It just meant that it was wise to make peace despite their disagreements. In the Qur'an, Almighty Allah describes this peace treaty in the following terms:

"Verily We have granted thee a manifest victory. " (Al-Fath 48:1)

The victory was peace. The Muslims didn't set aside their differences with the Makkans. They didn't pretend that all was well between them. They just admitted that there were big differences and they would leave them on hold for the moment, allowing Almighty Allah to solve them. This peace treaty, broken very soon by the Makkans, led the way to the conquest of Makkah.

So in our own lives there are times when we just can't agree. We need to use these occasions to grow. We need them to become sure of what we really believe. We need them to develop relationships and to understand where we stand in the scheme of things. We are always attentive, as Muslims, to what our community is saying, and we take examples from the life of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Disagreeing with others does not make us odd. It is quite normal and quite healthy, and it will lead us to be better people and better Muslims. Almighty Allah knows what is best for us. By trusting in Him we can't go wrong.

by Idris Tawfiq. http://www.idristawfiq.com/index.php?news=188

If the ocean were ink

Say: "If the ocean were ink (wherewith to write out) the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted than would the words of my Lord, even if we added another ocean like it, for its aid." Chapter 18 Verse 109 of the Holy Qur'an translated to English.

GREAT SPEECH

In Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Dr Mahathir, 84, addressed a conference to CRIMINALISE WAR on 28/10/2009, with a speech outlining the history of war the profiteering of war by arms industries.

He acknowledged that the world can be destroyed several times over, and spoke about the illogical response of some intelligent people in saying that as war had been around for thousands of years, we should accept it.

Dr Mahathir said that proxy wars are often encouraged and conducted in order to test new weapons. He said that those few states that are criticized for having primitive nuclear weapons would be mad to use them, and that those who have brought the world to the brink of nuclear war several times can only have the moral high ground in demanding others disarm, if they provide an example themselves.

Mahathir said that people who live under dictatorships also have a right to life, and depriving them of their right to life should be a heinous crime. "Human rights is not for democratic people only. Every human life is sacred" the former Prime Minister said, addressing the conference hall with around 1,500 people in attendance, including some victims of war.

Mahathir said that war "must be made crime, on a grand scale" and said that he is aware that in making this call "we are calling for a change in the human mind set", due to the long history of resolving conflicts by killing each other, so that one or the other would be defeated or cease to exist." He said that the "primitive people of the past knew no other way of resolving their differences."

Dr Mahathir said that however with the huge world population and the vast numbers of people that are killed in recent wars, including 70 million in the two "world wars", necessitates further that mankind evolve to better ways of resolving differences. He said that today all people irrespective of their age, sex or status are killed during wars without discrimination, due to the new weapons of mass destruction.

"Those who survive the bombs and the missiles would have no food and water, no electricity, no toilet and no shelter of any kind. Disease would spread and decimate the survivers", he said, on the effects of war, and noted that we are "now capable of wiping out the entire human race and making the planet uninhabitable" and that the weaker countries would not be able to defend themselves in limited wars, and that the strong victors would demand reparations from the vanquished.

Dr Mahathir said that it is the aggressors, no matter if they win or not, who should be punished and punished severely. Only this would deter the aggressors from resorting to war", to applause of the audience.

So long as the United Nations are under the direction of the victors of the wars 60 years ago, we cannot expect justice, Dr Mahathir said. Fairness could only occur if the courts are independent and impartial and can judge those who resorted to war. He said that there is an initiative to conduct a War Crimes Tribunal, made up of judges from various countries, who have been entrusted to be fair, impartial and just, and that this tribunal would take place starting 30th October after the Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

He said the procedures would follow as far as possible the British Common Law system, and he explained the method of the tribunal, and said that although he did not think the sentences could be carried out as yet but that he hoped the moral force would help people everywhere to appreciate the callous orders given by those who escape justice, to embark upon massive killings, and that people will come to accept that war is a crime and that war monger be regarded as criminals. When that happens, he hopes the world will become a more peaceful place.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step, without that first step the journey will never be taken at all", Dr Mahathir quotes Confusious, saying that it is a step worth taking even if it takes a thousand years.

The Fisherman

An investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The investment banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, "Only a little while."

The investment banker then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The fisherman said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The investment banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening and spend time with my family, I have a full and busy life."

The investment banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to a big town and eventually to the the city where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the investment banker replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the fisherman.

The investment banker laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The investment banker said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings and spend time with your family."

Plant wisely

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.